Twitter / @tchrquotes It's not something most married couples thought to take into consideration before, but I have a feeling that in generations to come, parents will warn their kids not to marry someone unless they can see themselves stuck in a one-bedroom apartment, unable to leave, for months on end with that person. Guys, never go to bed if youre still fighting with your wife. I would not be able to handle quarantine if I was. Definitely get married so you too can enjoy fighting over important issues like different grains of rice before 8AM. Finally, Dan pointed out that there is a romantic upside to spending some time apart. I swear, sometimes I don't understand how men survive. ", grab a beer and sit back while he cleans to his hearts content! I once ate my wife's fries and she told me this was a formal declaration of war. My husband just said, "Okey dokey, Artichokey," and now I'm wondering if anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer. Ooops! This is me. I don't know what it is about quarantine, but I have fallen asleep during more movies than ever during this period. Funny Tweets About Being Married Incoming . Me: Wife: What movie do you want to watch tonight? Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the last two weeks. He wouldnt stop tickling me, so I bit him in the cheek. Please enter your email to complete registration. Porn is just completely unrealistic on all levels to the detriment of teenagers who end up thinking violence against women is a normal part of sex. Lets see if you can relate to these married couples who were doing so much better before the Covid-19 lockdown. Hard seltzer is hard to perfect, and sorry, but Whiteclaw ain't it. Marriage. So I get this. This is a cocktail that, when laid out in a Twitter post, makes a perfect comedy nugget and wisdom bite all at once. Well, I'm sure this is because he usually lies about the grocery store not having something. Commiserate with fellow parents by posting funny parent tweets on Twitter, of course! Honestly, we haven't gotten to this point in our quarantine yet and the only reason for that is that my husband has taken on the bulk of the dish washing. Wife: You could have just said no. Me: *yelling through the front door* THANKS FOR THE DELIVERY. When it's your wife you went out to get the groceries, you do have to let her back in the house afterwards. Most of us have stayed home full-time for many months. pic.twitter.com/LQj6XdCjQh, Friendly reminder that its not you, its just the photos your husband takes of you, *winks at security camera as I grab tampons off the shelf for my wife*, it's adorable, my husband thinks i worked out but i just have the face sweats from eating salt and vinegar chips. Youve got some good ones there. *plot twist on show*Husband from other room: OMG WHAT?!? Makes for a very efficient work partnership strangely. Accidentally forgot to pat my husbands butt when he bent over today and he spent the entire day thinking I was mad at him. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. 20 2020, Updated 1:36 p.m. Bday is on 21 dec. My wife successfully made me stop doing that. In his spare time, he creates graphic collages and even had his first artwork exhibition at "Devilstone". After getting his bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design, he tried to succeed in digital design, advertising, and branding.Also, Denis really enjoys sports and loves everything related to board sports and water. I've woken up furious at Real Hubby b/c Nightmare Hubby did something IDK, got married 2.5 years ago and we love this quarantine thinguie! Hello! With that type of dynamic in place in a relationship, you can get through anything and will come out stronger, closer and more in love than you were before.. Normally, married people are able to go out and connect with friends, family, and coworkers., The pandemic has put an end to that, which means that we have had to rely on our spouses for almost all of our companionship needs. Lise further explained that for some couples, particularly the ones who were already unhappy, this time has been extremely tiring.. And somehow, the husbands and wives of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in 280 characters or fewer. MARRIAGE: part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night. Once you've completed the application, you will be provided with an order number to book your appointment. I would KILL HIM. If their chewing bothers you so much, how did you even get past that first dinner date? People may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Husband: What is today? I ran out of deodorant four days ago. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! @simoncholland, In 34 years on this planet, Ive learned one very important lesson that Im going to pass on to you fellas. Marriage is hard but when you are with the right person like I am it is sweeter. People obviously love their spouses but imagine having to spend every single moment of your time with them (there is no escape!). Surgeon: I can't find the clot Rather than taking every disagreement so seriously, try to use some humor to lighten the mood and allow both of you to see that you dont need to be so serious and uptight about things. Without that, you can end up taking the other persons presence for granted. I told my husband I wanted to buy an expensive blender, he said we don't need an expensive blender. Same in my house, we're happy and trying to make the most of this time. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Its been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes. Its been really nice. Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the last two weeks. Staying married after going to IKEA on a Saturday with an empty stomach, is not. Start writing! Your account is not active. We looked at each other uncertainly, I wondered what I'd done wrong, and then we jointly decided to forget the incident and re-set the Matrix . Doesn't the house, the kids and pets belong to both spouses? Justin is a photo editor at Bored Panda. Is. We respect your privacy. The boredom is real, people. Me: *Staying inside all day and seeing no one because we are in quarantine* when they've done it once. Husband: *completely and utterly silent* A partner at the law firm Stewarts, Carly Kinch, believes that the reasons why people divorce havent necessarily changed. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? Husband: *snoring*Me: jfc. Start writing! I love this for her. a 34% rise in sales of divorce agreements, Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience From a Burn Survivor, 76% of new cases came from female clients, which makes it 16%, Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. Many don't have a salary anymore. My wife asked me if she had any annoying habits and then got all offended during the power point presentation. Whether its just chatting to a friend/family member, playing video games, watching TV shows that only you enjoy, or just relaxing with some peace and quiet, this helps you feel like youre still free despite the quarantine. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. I miss sleeping and rely on coffee and laughter to get me through the day. I hope you enjoy and visit often! But its worth repeating. Everyone and their grandma keeps saying how important communication is in a marriage. I'm a lucky man. Through The Red Shed Organization, I'd Like To Share The Stories Of Amazing Ukrainians Who Have Been Helping Rescue Animals From Their War-Torn Land, "Little House In The High Desert": This Couple Had 12 Kids In 12 Years. Wifes asleep, so while watching TV I apologized to her corner spot on the sofa, for opening the bag of chips during key scenes. Why does it have to be either? Time to alert HR. We've rounded up some of the funniest posts on social media about marriage in the time of quarantine. But through it all, we knew we could always count on the spouses of Twitter to provide some much-needed laughter. No wonder theres been a 34% rise in sales of divorce agreements between newlyweds in the last five months in the US. He just needed the motivation of a deadly pandemic. ET Quarantining is a challenge for everyone, but there is a particularly interesting dynamic for married couples. We're going to spend lots of quality time together. My wife just yelled at me for walking too loudly if any of you were thinking of getting into a relationship. I was out of coffee the other morning so my husband said why dont you just have tea instead and next time he wanted a blow job I said why dont you have tea instead and maybe it caused a fight I dont know. Ooops! Trapped. Read on for 25 relatable new ones that will have you laughing in agreement. Why isnt porn more realistic? If you love it and can relate to it, share it with a friend! Please make note of this order number, because you will need this number during the scheduling of your appointment. (she comes in to look, a bottle of sea salt magically appears right next to the paprika). What are you interested in hearing about? We will not publish or share your email address in any way. "Be right back, my wife is in the kitchen and I need to go stand in front of the cabinet shes about to open. Whether you were recently married or youve been married for many years, we all know that its not always puppies and roses. I don't understand how men let their toenails get so long. Distractify is a registered trademark. Wives go to great lengths not to appear in their husbands' meetings. I have my windows open today and I just heard my neighbor shout I love you to her husband as he worked in their yard and now I know I live next door to psychopaths. If I wanted to feel trapped and confused for an hour, Id ask my husband to explain how Bitcoin works. Finally, let go of your perfectionism. Wife: *motions vaguely in the direction of my entire life*, My wife said shed buy her own birthday cake this is a test right. Be right back, my wife is in the kitchen and I need to go stand in front of the cabinet shes about to open. Im no expert on women but making them a grilled cheese with the butter spread all the way to the edges is undefeated. Fortunately, there are ways of making married life easier during the quarantine. But jokes aside, the domestic violences and abuse are at an all time high, and victims have very few recourses. Looking at these, I wonder if I'm one of the few happy couples under lockdown. These are all so true! My husband annoyed me last night so I adjusted the toaster settings slightly this morning. Me: Just giving you a show. Ah, yes, a classic game. Obsessed with travel? And relatable. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Husband: Ugh, no thanks. This is so true. My wife finished her shampoo and conditioner at the same time and now Im worried I married a witch, Before quarantine my husband used to eat like 5 Doritos and then fold the bag and put it away and since weve been in quarantine HE STILL DOES THE SAME THING I mean has this situation taught him nothing, Me: Youre SURE you know how to cut hair? ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 11, 2023. My husband just said, "Okey dokey, Artichokey," and now I'm wondering if anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer. Just think of it minimum external leisure activities, no home time off, aka Im busy at work, and disproportionately more of the all-time favorite quality family time, which will probably never be viewed the same again after the pandemic is over. @cjohnsonking5, Sorry. Husband, Oh, I got you one yesterday. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. 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