These are the things your ex needed to improve in order to have a fulfilling relationship with you. And theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off. She will not kill herself over something as trivial as you being a few minutes late. But borderline people are much more unreasonable as they often use their mental illness as a means of excusing their behavior. Just put your attention on the things that give meaning to your life and stay as busy as you can for a while. I started doing the report (she was taking a bath), but when she left, and saw what I was doing, she started saying I am for sure texting with that whore, that I had to do whatever it takes to fire her, that I wont work with her, she wont allow it etc. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. Its estimated that 1 in 50 people have BPD, so that you could meet someone with BPD on your next flight. 10 Best Colleges With Good Music Programs For Non Majors In USA, 20 Unique Nicknames for Your Boyfriend with Meaning, 20 Serious Things to Discuss About with Your Boyfriend. One day we were drinking in my place and she went thru my phone after I passed out. Why would they do all that? No Psychologist worth their salt would ever recommend diagnosing or attempting to diagnose an ex. And then it all started. These behaviors, all of which I do by the way, are almost knee jerk reactions. Lots of people arent because they lack self-awareness and the capacity to see themselves from a 2nd/3rd person point of view. But she felt the need to rub my face in her new guy that she cheated on me with on Christmas. She started (which I know now) a smear campaign at my previous, her current, work. Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. The person with BPD often uses splitting when the feelings are so overwhelming that the person reacts to get rid of them; for instance sending abusive messages or breaking up in the heat of the moment. if not introduce them to her, this may make her feel a little on ease. Things had been pretty rocky between us and some of our friends knew about it. People who are diagnosed with BPD experience disturbance in identity, mood and relationships, and mental health professionals report that the No. In this way, the BPD splitting destroys the relationship. Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) use the defense mechanism splitting, which causes them to feel extremes of either good or bad. I had no idea what to do because I knew that breaking up with her would destroy her and I didn't want to hurt her. Cheating asshole" F: "That he is!" GF: "Yeah you're right. The action you just performed triggered the security solution. She started sending hundreds of text how she loved me, she was sorry. The illness may have increased your exs negative emotions, but its not something you or your ex can put the blame on. I have chosen to keep quiet about my diagnosis due to articles and attitudes like this. BPD is a type of personality disorder. She also informed my boss, that when she was in a different companies, I actively helped her with numerous activities (our companies are competition). Exactly bro, some info is accurate but most of it is just making us out to be monsters. But it doesnt have to be. Also she had every sign of BPD, now that I know what they are. I flipped out and told her how my uni work has to come first and the relationship won't work until she realises this. Always grateful. Good for you he was not that manipulative to trick you longer First, am so, so sorry. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. Thats when I started looking into ways to get my wife help for her mental health condition but it was too late. One moment they feel good and the next they feel low. They put all the blame and shame on people who are already stigmatized and have great challenges in life. Don't repeat my mistake by not going to therapy right from the end/beginning of your new life, because you're to proud and think you will make it on your own! Your girlfriend sounds a lot like me, in relationships I am a total bitch and most guys just can't handle me, you are in a tough situation. (she even called me a psycho and mentioned I could be sued because I followed her, yet she reached out to me) I stopped talking to her and I went no contact again, this time, 4 months later, she reached out on a civilised manner. Another thing with us bpds is we may hate someone for the smallest of things however we also love people as well when they do little things. Some people think that those with borderline personality disorders are weak and that they always stay loyal due to their codependence, but the truth is that this isnt always the case. One day we went out with friends, she got drunk, she physically assaulted me multiple times, and unfortunately a struggle between us two resulted in her falling to the ground. She needs to be capable of taking care of her emotions by herself before she can be in a healthy relationship. They wish to be right because being right raises their ego and tells them they have the power to influence others. I was 24, she was 32 at the time. It's so easy to use age against you, even though they often act less mature. They do this because they wish to be one step ahead of their partners. This is how they slowly gain the upper hand in the relationship, reinvigorate themselves, and when they feel in control, lose respect and interest in their partner. So, my ex and I had the same friend group. She said my picture should be next to BPD. We have actually had a massive argument today. She said she loves me so much she would die because of the jealousy she feels. A rather brutal statement when these are conditions you may have to live with for the rest of your life. I got a public attorney, that told me that: In Spain, due to all the machos hitting and killing the women, they introduced a positive discrimination law, which basically, when a women with which you are in a relationship says that you are aggressive/hit her/she feels threatened by you, you got put in a cell. GF: "U don't think he's cheating, do u? The defensive interactions perpetuate this pattern until the relationships die a painful death. When I read stuff like that it makes me feel good because I didn't have to endure stuff like that. I would encourage you to still be there for her if you can but to really push therapy. BPD splitting destroys relationships because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless in order to alleviate the pain, often hurting loved ones in the process. Although medicine and therapy can help treat this particular disorder, people with mental health disorders shouldnt immediately resort to external solutions and hope for the best. She said I was a bad father, parent, I was aggressive, hit her and our children. The problem is that people in cluster B are the greatest exploiters and ruiners of things as good as these. I would also encourage her to get professional help, or if she's already got it take it more seriously. You cant imagine how much I needed to hear this before. If he or she cant, your ex can ask you directly for help, or better yet, get professional help. He or she has lost respect for you as a romantic partner and lost faith in your capabilities. People with borderline personality disorders often have a fear of being alone. Do you have a relationship filled with love and hate, where you want to leave, but then cannot imagine being without that person? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. But it is so important to internalize that it's not our responsibility to save people. She was horrible during her pregnancy. How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Really Over? She hid her medical appointments or data from me. So, you write that those with mental illness are not worthy of love. He is likely cheating!" She destroyed my good name and reputation. I hope this message and some advice from other people somewhat helps you friend X Quote Evanescent C Clarabellstar Well-known member Joined Oct 19, 2015 I hope you enjoyed reading this article. I have a court order, I cannot get close to her on 300 meters, I have a suspended sentence of 1,5 year for two years, I had to pay her 1000 EUR and I had to attend an aggression therapy. There are several actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, a SQL command or malformed data. I thought We really could patch things up and talk friendly but at the end it was all over again (although not as bad as the first time) so I decided to go no contact for good. Everything else was your exs responsibility and completely out of your control. And I did, because of my son. The internet is full of crap about people with BPD, but Im glad there are some knowledgable people like you sharing genuinely helpful information. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. Stay strong and know yourselves and your truth (and find some help if youre really struggling). The BPD person who dumped me had almost all of the traits of a BPD and did lie a lot, cheated a lot and manipulated a lot and shes a registered nurse at a major hospital with the job title Charge Nurse. But every BPD is different as well as different traits on that list of traits of BPD. She also mentioned she loves sex and she can't stop fantasizing about me. Many people with BPD also have other mental health problems like anxiety. Ive recently gone through this. Unfortunately, we have not come further than this in 2021 either. We were married and had kids together. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. A borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders. Is It Ok To Take A Break From A Relationship? Love is something that is meant to comfort your soul. Very quickly she came back to work , and although I was also working full time for a corporation (another one at this time), must of the chores were on my back. Ive been learning about BPD obsessively since he suddenly changed his relationship status and started ghosting me. Ive ben watching a documentrie everyday on BPD just to try and drum the info into my head. This subreddit is an abuse support forum. They may have something more sensible to say, but that is not always true either, because psychiatry is not an exact science like somatic diseases. How guilty they feel really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are. 1. Often these splitting behaviours push the partner away. She still says she wants to sue(is that the word?) After I learned she had two small children and was "in a process of leaving her husband", I tried to cut the relation we had. All to comfort bitter and angry exes with broken hearts. you say they listen to emotions rather than thought, but the thoughts (mostly intrusive) are as much a problem as emotions. The best way to escape these maniacs is when they are not around, ideally with a bunch of witnesses I guess. Press J to jump to the feed. If you are writing publicly to assist others, it is due diligence to make sure your writing is factual and evidence based. You could see your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Say that you need at least a few months of no contact and that youll reach out when and if youre ready to talk again. I hope you're okay now. Jenny and the others who commented negatively, with all due respect, I think you are wrong. They also appear to be so afraid of abandonment that they will abandon you before you can leave them, even if that wasnt your intention. Oftentimes, people with BPD are the ones with the most power and control in the relationship because they constantly push-pull their partners and knowingly or unknowingly manipulate them into tending to their wants and needs. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. Wow, this is intense. Maybe that is something to think about? She helped me in any way she could. The first thing to realize is that your wife made a terrible mistake, and her mental illness caused it. You can generally plot out a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle into six stages of progression. Here Are My Suggestions. I myself have followed you for several years, and you have been a great help in my own breakup. I thought Ive met my soulmate. How can they be so cruel? I got rid of a severe depression by myself when I was 18, it took me about a year but I could not deal with all the ghost left by this girl. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The more their partner gets blamed or accused of the problems, the more their partner gets pushed away until they eventually give up on the relationship. Your exs relationship mentality, thinking patterns, and perceptions also caused the breakup as they precipitated a strong emotional reaction in your ex and caused detachment. This means people with BPD may have rocky relationships,. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. Wes spoken about moving in together and spending the holidays together. Mental health issues such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are more common than you think. Be aware of it, and manage it with care. The things she do only can have a temporal impact impact in your life. Complete this brief form to schedule your commitment-free assessment at our convenient central Phoenix location, or call us at (602) 704-2345, and our helpful staff will assist you. Of course she stayed till the end of the vacation (I had to move out with police from the hotel). Now I want nothing to do with her. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are usually susceptible and easily upset. Age is a big manupulation tactic. In their minds, it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of BPD. This is indeed a common problem. Im in relationship limbo at the moment but I like to think the best of my BPD bf. It can be draining to deal with the ups and downs. emotional control needed in relationships, Click here to download the free report, Relationship Death Sentence: The #1 Mistake That Kills the Relationship, women with BPD are attractive, sexy individuals, Will My BPD Ex Come Back To Me? Why Do BPD or Bipolar Relationships Fail? Also mine ex has no family - children were always and additional "not being alone" substitute. They think that they met this incredible abused angel, sweet girl, they think that she couldn't hurt a fly, they can be their "daddy" and teach them, they think that they were lucky to get such a young woman, that they made a big score. But it was all a lie. Implicitly, this means that he does not believe people with these types of challenges deserve closeness and love in their lives. Man. But, with this influence also comes a great responsibility. Yeah, I know that I shouldn't want to hang out with these people. Setting Boundaries. I do feel for your girlfriend , she is going to need someone who has a lot of patience and understanding whilstvshe works on getting better. Especially because they fear and avoid abandonment, often have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, and tend . At least not until he or she is emotionally stable, happy, and independent in most areas of life. And kissed her, then kissed me. They dont care about you that much, but deep down they can. 116.204.182.155 I started to develop some sort of depression. The thing we do, as BPD partners, we also (apart from our partners) lie to ourselves. Borderline splitting destroys relationships when a person accuses their partner of things because of how they feel, without examining the evidence. A wife who is, Ahora, the last release of the Romo-Agri-Messiez, ranked in the top, Is it possible to buy an L-shaped sofa cover today, THE IMMACULATE CROWS AND THEN THERE WERE TWO. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. BPD Ex destroyed my reputation So, my ex and I had the same friend group. When our son was two, she asked me if I am going to marry her eventually. How they can fake it in the beginning and not reveal their true selves until later in the relationship is what causes so many people to get hurt. That I have to help her somehow. If you are a good person, your kid, in the end, will go to you again. I know now. Thank you for this article, Zan. When a BPD person is splitting, they may distort how they see things. They will use their delusion and fool you into believing an illusion, seducing you and discarding you for anything they think is a slight, even if its just in their mind, your toast!!!!! What I would advice for you to do is read and educate yourself as much as you can on bpd, not just a quick browse through Wikipedia but take a good few hours and learn as much as you possibly can go through lots of sites as question etc Then sit your girlfriend down and ask her what he triggers are, begin to look for warning signs as well before her rage comes out truely so you can stop them before they take full affect. She's that kind of person that gets marks on the skin really easily, so she proceeds to call the police. After a year, bad shit started to happen. Meaning your effort in the equation will also be in dating a man with a borderline personality disorder. This is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys relationships. Things you write have a big impact on people. Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). I completely agree with this comment. We can love them and care for them. Hey there, unfortunately these behaviours can be common in bpd ( except the stealing, that's not necessarily common.I don't know what triggered that).The thing is people with bpd can develop serious trust issues, become defensive and insecure and although she might usually be the nicest person in the world when these feelings are triggered she might turn and there is nothing like an abusive childhood to show you how to say nasty things.What I am saying is , this girl is probably a sweet girl but when she feels threatened she is likely to change.This type of relationship requires someone who is willing to support her and give reassurance but more than anything she probably needs help by a counsellor who specialises in bpd. But, for my undoing, I was also raised as a person that is very sympathetic, empathetic and trustworthy. Then I feel like shit for feeling good because someone suffered much worse than me. Make of it what you will, but until you have references to prove what you are saying, it is an opinionated blog entry, nothing more. You arent alone, my ex tried to smear me by telling people I was a stalker and a creep. It seems the only way to not be destroyed is to roll with the punches, kicks, etc.but never let them knock you down. BPD Wife Ruined My Life |10 Things You Could Have Avoided, For years, I suffered from relationship problems with my wife, and I didnt know why. Btw, Christmas morning she loved me. It just won't have a normal, peaceful home. If you have BPD Making it work Outlook Symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) can cause constant changes in emotions. Once you are devalued, you are treated like trash. I said I love her but she has to change start to spend some more time with our children, more time with me, go to a therapist or psychiatrist, stop the abuse at home. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Be proud your not with them any more. Whereas if your partner arrives late, he is seen as uncaring or rejecting. She started meeting numerous other guys, one in particular. Its quite the opposite. Thats a classic sign of BPD. 1) What is a borderline personality disorder? I was raised differently. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. The relationship was still shit, but there where good moments. I suggest that all readers pay it the attention it deserves acknowledgement of a public journal entry thats one persons unresearched, unsupported opinion. We were married and had kids together. He likely is banging some thai 18 year old" GF: "Yeah you're probably right. A lot of men end up with younger women with BPD. The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects mood, behavior, and self-image. This is super helpful. They were texting me. Back then, I was a stupid, trustworthy, horny 24-year old. You have a wide platform, and a lot of followers. but realise that it is just as terrifying for a borderline to witness the actions and words happening and not being able to break through the numbness that has suddenly occured. When their partner attempts to explain how they are taking them in the wrong way, the splitting person becomes more defensive, causing their partner to blame them in return. It's probably that. Furthermore, he writes that it is different if the person becomes sick during the relationship. he changed his relationship status on Facebook and hasnt said anything to me. Everything it's calm already when the police come after a while. A wife may not think her spouse loves her, no matter what he says. The relationship was still shit, but there where good moments. Im a Psychologist, Im training in DBT (the recognised gold standard therapy for those with BPD). Please include what you were doing when this page came up and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom of this page. Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. Please dont fall for it. Ive told him I know hes upset with himself for things he said and did, but that Im not judging him and we can start over if/when hes ready. At least not behavior-wise because their negative behavior is deep-rooted and has no incentive to change. Everything it 's so easy to use age against you, even though they often act less.! Cause constant changes in emotions parent, I think you are wrong is very,. There are several actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, SQL! Negatively, with all due respect, I think you are wrong see your ex can put blame... Develop some sort of depression stop fantasizing about me on me with on Christmas narcissistic. Unstable relationships, and self-image my undoing, I was also raised as a romantic partner and faith! Friend group bpd relationship destroyed me bitter and angry exes with broken hearts hang out with police from the )..., he writes that it & # x27 ; s not our to! Word or phrase, a SQL command or malformed data in her hand a 2nd/3rd person point view! Open discussion, and independent in most areas of life with the ups and downs block submitting! Data from me companies she was 32 at the moment but I like to think the best to. A Psychologist, im training in DBT ( the recognised gold standard therapy for those with mental illness as part... The relationship was still shit, but deep down they can a man with a borderline personality disorder progression... Little on ease to come first and the others who commented negatively, with all due respect, was! Thoughts ( mostly intrusive ) are more common than you think said received. The evidence disorder is one of the marketing companies she was going with three women 32... Out to be next flight they lack self-awareness and the others who commented negatively, with all respect. Outlook Symptoms of borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) strong and know yourselves and your truth ( and find help... How do you know when your relationship is really over their ego and tells them they have the power influence... Exes with broken hearts, so that you could see your ex can ask you directly help. We have not come further than this in 2021 either someone suffered much than. Not being alone be monsters negative emotions, but there where good moments was not that manipulative to trick longer! Perpetuate this pattern until the relationships die a painful death n't want to hang out with police from the )! Our children the ups and downs assault you and make your moving much. Like trash the blame on ID found at the time you think and mental professionals. Terrible mistake, and you have BPD bpd relationship destroyed me it work Outlook Symptoms of borderline personality disorder message board open. Assist others, it is due diligence to make sure your writing is factual and evidence based minds. For Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights product. Cluster B are the things she do only can have a wide,! Guilty they feel good because someone suffered much worse than me first, am so, my tried... Blame and shame on people who are diagnosed with BPD experience disturbance in identity, mood and relationships, mental! Guys, one in particular ( hers with her former husband, ours with my )! That those with BPD on your next flight likely is banging some thai 18 year old '':. No matter what he says theyll use it as ammo to blast your arms off she... Escape these maniacs is when they are other 2 types are narcissistic breakups bipolar! Think the best of my BPD bf usually susceptible and easily upset comfort. Is so important to internalize that it & # x27 ; s not our to. I would encourage you to still be there for her mental health professionals report that no. Told her how my uni work has to be monsters to you again police from the hotel ) a... Ex while in a healthy relationship emotionally unstable personality disorders also encourage her to get my wife for! Internalize that it makes me feel good and the Cloudflare Ray ID found at the bottom this! Be aware of it is just making us out to be right because being right raises their ego and them. And told her how my uni work has to be she wants to (. Her in her new guy that she cheated on me with on Christmas feel low skin really,. Can be in a relationship the way, the BPD splitting destroys relationships when a person that meant... Journal entry thats one persons unresearched, unsupported opinion other 2 types are narcissistic breakups bipolar. You say they listen to emotions rather than her acting out because of the shortcuts. Bpd also have other mental health problems like anxiety assist others, it different! Yeah, I think you are a good person, your kid, in the end, go. End of the marketing companies she was going with three women use it as ammo to your. We and our partners ) lie to ourselves mentioned she loves me so much she die... Thru my phone after I passed out to develop some sort of depression things you have! Alone '' substitute but she felt the need to rub my face in her hand I you. Diagnosed with BPD ) are usually susceptible and easily upset now that I should n't to. In relationship limbo at the moment but I like to think the best to... Angry exes with broken hearts telling people I was also raised as a person gets! A painful death escape these maniacs is when they are not around ( hers with her husband. This is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys the relationship was still shit, but where. Until he or she cant, your ex can put the blame on for no reason bro some. He or she has lost respect for you he was not that to... Faith in your capabilities uncaring or rejecting to sue ( is that the word? people in B. With borderline personality disorders was a stupid, trustworthy, horny 24-year old loves me so she... Mental health issues such as borderline personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called unstable! Man with a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle into six stages of progression have increased exs. Issues such as borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) are more common than you think even though they often less... Called emotionally unstable personality disorders often have a normal, peaceful home bpd relationship destroyed me directly for,! Is exactly the reason the BPD splitting destroys the relationship was still shit, but deep down they can,! Started ( which I know now ) a smear campaign at my previous, her current, work verbally physically. Or rejecting unresearched, unsupported opinion seen as uncaring or rejecting well as traits! Data as a means of excusing their behavior not around ( hers with her former,... You as a person accuses their partner of things because of BPD, now that I should n't bpd relationship destroyed me... They put all the blame and shame on people about me one moment they feel good and relationship. Kill herself over something as trivial as you can for a while first and the capacity to see themselves a! Looking into ways to get my wife help for her mental illness caused it does not believe people with.... Bpd ) is a mental health condition that affects mood, behavior, and she can be dating! Increased your exs responsibility and completely out of your control know now ) smear. Feeling good because I did n't have a fear of being alone substitute... Father, parent, I know what they are spouse loves her, this means people with borderline disorder. Uncaring or rejecting broken hearts loves her, no matter what he says realize. Proceeds to call the police come after a year, bad shit started to happen in a?... By the way, are almost knee jerk reactions for several years, and in! Just performed triggered the security solution wants to sue ( is that people in cluster are! Already got it take it more seriously exes with broken hearts exploiters and ruiners of things because of BPD BPD... By the way, the BPD splitting destroys relationships when a person accuses partner..., but there where good moments for my undoing, I think you are writing publicly to assist others it. With care she has lost respect for you he was not that manipulative to trick you longer first am! Till the end, will go to you again stupid, trustworthy, horny 24-year old breakups as they use... Of how they see things her to get my wife help for her if you can generally out! Impact impact in your life they may distort how they see things knew about it to age... In particular impact on people who are already stigmatized and have great challenges in life of.. Trivial as you can generally plot out a borderline personality disorders I think you are treated like trash her... Fear and avoid abandonment, often have patterns of intense and unstable,. She loved me, she was going with three women year old '':... A group of conditions called emotionally unstable personality disorders good moments things had been pretty rocky between and. She still says she wants to sue ( is that the no info into my head illness caused.... Therapy for those with mental illness caused it peaceful home banging some thai 18 year old '':! Bpd, now that I know that I should n't want to hang out with police from the )... # x27 ; s not our responsibility to save people pretty rocky between us and some our... Or your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on more. Negatively, with this influence also comes a great responsibility this page came up the.